Sometimes I want to throw it all away (RANT ALERT)

Parenting. Marriage. Veganism. Business. It all gets on my nerves and stresses me out. Some more than others. Each make me want to go back in time and make different decisions...

All the crying and whining and dependency, LORD, I can not. Kids are little people with feelings, desires and their own way of doings. None of this is bad but I have to manage my own feelings while not squashing their’s. SO.MUCH.WORK. especially on minimal sleep.

I don't like conflict. Trying to mesh two people's ideas and perspectives is a full time job. Let's not talk about the individual traumas, struggles and triggers. And then add the stress of parenting. Marriage is literally two selfish people (who may not know they are selfish) trying to live, raise kids and be happy together in an arrangement that requires selflessness. Whose idea was this?

I like to eat. I am addicted to sweets. Yet I want to be healthy. Those things don’t really mesh well. It's hard. It's expensive. And results aren't immediate. I am over it. 

When I've read all the books, listened to all then experts, implemented the techniques, and money still isn't rolling in, I want to give up and do something easier. I've done what they said and still it's not working for me. Seems to work for everyone else but not me. WTH

...But do I really?? These are my thoughts in the really intense moments when I tell myself nothing is working out, no one cares and life sucks. Many of these things are not true or what’s real MOST of the time but these are some of the many thoughts that play in my head.  

I could give you all kinds of techniques and advice on why and how to stay positive but I am giving myself and you permission to have feelings and to sit with them. It's okay to not be positive all the time. It's okay to be real. 

Just know you are not alone. You are not the only one dealing with it. And it won't last forever. YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST. THAT IS ENOUGH. YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB.